Friday, August 14, 2009

Keeping up with the "Joneses"

Don't you just love that old saying, "Keeping up with the Joneses"? The saying is filled with jealousy and greed, but yet people still use it because, let's face it, our society is probably more materialistic than generations before. We have a couple, no, we have 2 or 3 couples that I think my husband and I try to keep up with. It's terrible. I really hate it. It's really been laying on my heart lately. Basically because, my husband and I have no money. He has an o.k. job, definitely better than the two jobs he had when I was pregnant, but still, the debt we've compiled because of not having great incomes, and no savings going into adult life, student loans, credit cards and just basically not being good money managers have really put a strain on us. Luckily, we've not really faught much because of it, but it does weigh heavy. Anyway, we're borrowing money from his and my parents sometimes, and they've bought us groceries, and we've gone into forebearence on our student loans, but it never seems like enough. I don't even have money for tithe sometimes, and THAT in itself, has laid so heavy on my heart. I really feel like God is never going to bless us because of that. I'm also one of those that feels like I'm in debt with God. Like, "God, I know I haven't repaid the money You gave us over the past two months, let's see, that comes to... whoa, um, I must have spent it on something somewhere... I don't seem to have that... uh, maybe next pay period, I can give it back." And I never can, so I just feel guiltier and guiltier. This cycle sucks. I really need to learn how to save money. I used to be so much more strict on myself and my husband. Even when we were dating, if I didn't have it, I definitely went without. I didn't even have cable or netflix or internet for that matter. (I just borrowed some neighbors who didn't have passwords on their wireless...eek! At least I knew them, and they knew I did it.) But now, it seems, I find excuses for all of the things I "need" such as internet and cable and such. And I suppose, it does give us "home entertainment" and that way, we do save money by not going out. But who says we would go out that much anyway? I mean, we hardly ever can justify spending money on the movies, and we go and eat about the same amount as we would anyway. And if we didn't have all the distractions, we might even have read some books (shocker) or spend more time cleaning and sprucing up the house, or even more quality time talking and reading the Bible together. But I digress...

I don't like all of this frivality I have created in myself. I hate when we hang out with certain people, we feel like our house has to be as perfect as theirs, or if they come over, I feel like they think our house is not up to par. (That could be totally made up in my head, but you know how those little voices will make you tink the worst.) I really need prayer on this issue. And discipline.

Sidenote, my mother always talks about how she wishes we would've waited to get married until we had savings, and been more established, etc. But neither my parents, nor my in-laws have very good money situations. And they definitely didn't teach us how to be smart savers. So, if we would've waited, I think we would be single forever. haha. Sorry. No grandchildren for them!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

A Beginning

The title's simple, but so is this blog. I'm not advertising this, so I'm not expecting any comments. I'm not really expecting anyone to read this really. I am really just using this as a form of personal diary, an cyberjournal, if you will. So, there's that. I know why I'm writing this, so why am I explaining it to myself?? :)

I'm afraid I'm pregnant again.

It's only been six months til my first was born. My first was even a little early in mine and my husband's life plan, but that's ok. We are very thankful that we have the most wonderful little baby in the world. The pregnancy brought a lot of growth in my husband and me and our relationship has really deepened because of it. So praise the Lord for that.
But now, is it really my time again? Is it really already time for another baby? I trust You, Lord, I know that you are in control of all things, and You are watching over me, so whatever happens, happens, and You won't give me more than I can handle. My main prayer for the next pregnancy is that you will change my parents' hearts. I just don't think I could deal with another shocking pregnancy and more, "Well, I don't think this is really the time." and "Was it really God's timing, or did you just rush it for your own foolish desires?" passive-aggressive comments and impressions that my mother gives me.
This is all I can say right now. I may not even be pregnant, so why am I worried about it? I really have the feeling that I'm not, so I don't even know why I am thinking about it so much. I took a pregnancy test on Sunday and it was negative and it is now Wednesday. I was supposed to start last Thursday, so... this happens sometimes, right?
We shall see.